"I'm Lisa Simpson, Who the Heck are You?" transcript
Nelta: o.c The Simpsons.... [The Simpsons Theme Music Playing In Background]. Homer drives up the driveway before Bart lands on his car with his skateboard. He gets out, and Lisa scoots by past him in her bike. Homer: D'oh! instead of The Simpsons sitting on the couch, Rick and Morty wonder were they are. Song Intro Ends Scene 1: Bart's room Bart: Off Screen "Time to make my comeback! No 1 beats me at Krusty Bowl-A-Rama!" The scene cuts to inside the Simpson family's house........ Lisa: "Uh, Bart, don't you think you should put on the wrist strap just to be safe?" Bart: "C'mon, Lis, that's just a suggestion..." ZWOOT! Bart: "Wuh-oh!" Thwack! Lisa: "Ow! What's happening to me...." (Lisa falls to the floor unconscious.) WHUMP! Bart: "Lisa?! oh no!" Bart: "C'mon, Lisa! wake up! I'm the 1 who's destined to die playing video games, not you! Mom and Dad are going to kill me for this." Lisa: Lightly Bart: "She's still breathing...*Phew!* I guess the next logical step is..." pauses for a while Bart: "MOM! DAD!" Scene 2: Springfield General Hospital Bart: "I begged Lisa to use the strap on her controller, but she wouldn't listen! It came flying outta her hand and hit her in the face!" Homer: "I've done that with the TV remote so many times, I've lost count." Marge: "I don't know...that just doesn't sound like something Lisa would do. It sounds like Homer or Bart would do that. Homer: "If Lisa dies, we'll adopt. She needs her stunt double!" Dr. Hibbert: Off Screen "Mr. Homer Simpson and Mrs. Marge Simpson, Lisa's awake. But I'm afraid I have some bad news..." Dr. Hibbert: "The hospital cafeteria ran outta jell-o for the manatees at the zoo." Homer: "Why? Whyyyy? ''They were so young!! The manatees needed those!!" [ Homer collapses crying] Marge: "Dr. Hibbert, what about ''Lisa? how is she doing?" Dr. Hibbert: "Ah hee, hee, hee! Right, right...Lisa! She's fine...well, except for all the amnesia. And her having a 30% change in her brain." Marge: In Shock "Amnesia?! ''And losin g her smarts! " Bart: "Good thing it's non-canon!" Homer: "Honey, if we have jell-o, there's ''nothing we can't get through." Cut to Bart, Maggie, Marge and Homer in Lisa's hospital room. Marge: "Hi, sweetie! Do you remember who I ''am?" Lisa: "Uhhh...my ''nurse? ''An assistant? A new doctor? I don't know, all I remember is being hit in the head." Dr. Hibbert: "Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, it's hard to say how long this will last." Bart: "The best way to help Lisa regain her memory is by constantly reminding her of who she is and what she likes to do." Dr. Hibbert: "It's especially important for you to help, Bart. Are ''you up for the challenge?" Bart: Nervously "I'll do everything I can!" ''A few days later......... Lisa: "So, Bart, since I can't remember a ''single thing about who I am...what kind of kid am I?" Bart: "Well...uh...you're the goo--" Bart Devil # 1: "Don't tell her she's ''the good kid! Mess with her a little and tell her she's ''the naughty 1..." Bart Devil # 2: "...And that you're the angel!" Bart: "Hey, how come I have 2'' devils on my shoulders?!" Bart Devil # 1: "You ''used to have an angel, but since you always ignored him, he moved away." Bart Devil # 2: "Now tell Lisa how evil ''she really is!" The Bart devils disappear...... Bart: "Well, you see...''you are the bad kid, and I'm the good 1." Lisa: "Really?" Bart and Lisa get on the Springfield Elementary School bus....... Bart: "As far as you know, for instance, every morning when we get on the bus, you start a spitball fight!" Lisa: "That just doesn't feel like something I'd do. But if you say that's the way I am..." Bart: "If I said it, it must be true!" Bart: "Now, it's very important for you to do the stuff you're used to in order to get your memory back!" Bart: "Here's a straw. I'll rip up this piece of paper for your ammunition!" 1 minute later........ Bart: "Attagirl, Lis!" The spitball bounces right on the back of Nelson's head....... Nelson: "What the--?! Spitball?! Nelson: "SPITBALL FIGHT!" All Springfield Elementary School Students: "YAAAAAAAAY!" Scene 3: Springfield Elementary School Principal Skinner: Off Screen "Well, I don't know what to say, Simpson..." The scene goes over to inside Principal Skinner's office........ Principal Skinner: "This kind of behavior is...unexpected, to say the least. But considering your recent accident...I'll let your indiscretion slide this 1 time, providing you to help Otto clean the bus during recess." Principal Skinner: "You're free to go to class, Lisa...but if I see you in here again, detention will be the least of your worries!" Bart: Thinking "No detention?! no way!" Bart: Thinking "Looks like I have my work cut out for me if I'm gonna get Lisa into the kind of trouble I'm used to!" Over the next few days... SPPPSSSSS! Lisa: (speaking to Moe on the telephone) "Hello, I'm looking for Mrs. Buttookis. Ivana is the 1st name...?" Moe: (speaking to Lisa on the other telephone) "Ivana Buttookis! Ivana Buttookis, please! Is there a Buttookis here?!" Meanwhile...... Dumpster Hippie: "That's her! That's the little girl that defaced me!" Chief Wiggum: "Lisa, Bart...I have to ask you a few questions about some spray-painting allegations..." Lisa: "Get bent, fat man!" Stomp! Chief Wiggum: "Owwwie-ow-ow!" Chief Wiggum: "You're coming to the station, missy!" Bart: "Lisa?! why did you do that?!" Lisa: "It's like you said, Bart. I'm the bad 1." Scene 4: Springfield Police Station Chief Wiggum: "And it was after I confronted her about hte graffiti and littering that she assulted me!" Marge: "I-I-I just can't believe my little Lisa could do this!" Principal Skinner: "It's the strangest thing, Mrs. Simpson...but it's almost as if she's switched personalities with Bart!" Marge: "Principal Skinner, what are you even doing here at the police station?" Principal Skinner: "Times are tough, so I took a 2nd job..." Principal Skinner: "I come here after school to make extra cash fingerprinting the criminals!" Later, in the Simpson family's car...... Marge: "I just don't understand how losing her memory has also turned Lisa into a troublemaker." Bart: "Why did you step on Chief Wiggum's foot? I never said that was something you used to do!" Lisa: "You didn't have to. I just knew that was something the old Lisa would've done...and I loved it!" Bart: Again "Oh no! I've created a monster! I have to get the real Lisa back before it's too late!" A few minutes later, back at the Simpson family's house....... Marge: "Go straight to your room, Lisa! you're grounded!" Bart: "Hey, Lis, how 'bout a quick game of Krusty bowling in my room before your grounding begins? the old lisa would definitely defy Mom and Dad 1 last time!" Lisa: "Sounds good to me!" 1 minute later in Bart's bedroom....... Lisa: "Come on, Bart, we don't have all day!" Bart: "Just making sure you're in the right spot..." Lisa: "For what?!" Bart: "For this!" Thwack! Lisa: "AGCK!" Bart: "Man, I hope this works..." Later, back at Dr. Hibbert's office....... Dr. Hibbert: "Well, it looks like Lisa has a rare case of re-amnesia! She's forgotten the things she didn't know she already knew! Ah hee, hee, hee!" Bart: "I told her not to play that game again, Mom! I feel like this is all my fault!" Marge: "Oh, Bart, you of all people know that when someone makes up their mind to misbehave, they can't be stopped!" Bart: "As true as that may be, I promise you this, Mom and Dad.......I won't leave Lisa's side until she remembers that she's a pain-in-my-butt, goody two-shoes again!" The following weekend...... Lisa: "Oh, Josh, now that I've had my invisible braces removed and you started flossing, kissing is so much more fun! MMM...MMM--" Bart: "Stop, I can't do this anymore!" Lisa: "What are you talking about, Bart?" Bart: "You were never a bad kid, alright? I just made you think that so you could take the heat off me!" Bart: "But you took to being naughty so easily that I had to do something before you went all juvie on us! you're a good kid. The best, actually, but I can't stomach showing you how to be you anymore!" Lisa: "It's okay, Bart..." Lisa: "I knew who I was the moment I woke up after you knocked me out the 2nd time!" Bart: "What?! You've had your memory back for a week?!" Lisa: "Yep...I just let you think I still had amnesia, so you'd pay for making me do all those horrible things!" Bart: "But you don't remember doing any of the bad stuff? not even 1'' thing!" Lisa: "Nope...sorry, brother." Bart: "What a ''failure, I need to go deface something to feel better about myself!" Lisa Angel # 1: "Maybe we remember some of the bad things we did..." Lisa Angel # 2: "...Just the stuff we can use against Bart when the time is right!" End credits Nancy Cartwright as Bart Simpson, Bart Devil # 1, Bart Devil # 2 and Nelson Muntz (voices) Dan Castellaneta as Homer Simpson (voice) Harry Shearer as Principal Skinner and Dr. Hibbert (voices) Julie Kavner as Marge Simpson (voice) Yeardley Smith as Lisa Simpson (voice) Hank Azaria as Moe Syzslak and Chief Wiggum (voices) Kelly Nigh as Nelta (voice) Special guest voice Lloyd Sherr as the Dumpster Hippie (voice)